“Go where you feel the most alive.” Unknown author
 
I could not leave this paradise, my paradise. I had not planned anything, honestly after a breakup so painful, I needed to rebuild myself and to reconnect with myself. I had enough savings not to work for a while, so I made the decision to do nothing for a year and just go with the flow. Going where I wanted at the time or staying where I felt good.
 
I needed new memories, the kind that we do not need to forget because a certain person cowardly abandoned us. During weeks, I spent time discovering, taking pictures, eating and sleeping. Sleeping, it had happened so little during the past three months, tormented, tortured, quartered, bruised in my flesh and in my heart. Finally, a moment of tranquillity, a haven of peace, no longer thinking, no longer questioning, just breathing, living. This was in June that I have started writing. A long period of introspection then began, to learn to know myself better in order to heal and make a fresh start. To see life in colour again with this fascinating and hypnotising blue. I planned to stay a week, I stayed for five months and I have never stopped going back. So yes, I could say that it was my honeymoon.  L.
​

"The future can awaken in a more beautiful way than the past." George Sand

"Having a purpose is fundamental after a breakup, especially do not give yourself time to feel sorry for yourself, it does not prevent pain or tears, but it helps not to collapse. Some people take refuge in work, I preferred to focus on myself only. My personal life had just crumbled, I had decided to devote fully to myself for the rest of the year. I was going to put my energy to the benefit of my quest for happiness, all those things that I wanted to accomplish and that I kept postponing. Taking time for me, thinking about what I really expected from life, what would make me happy again, the things I was dreaming of, but also what I would like to do in the near future and more distant, either personally or professionally. Above all, listening to my heart and asking what it wanted, taking the time for my feelings, letting my emotions express themselves." L.

When I finally passed the ceremonial table to stand behind, I noticed my ring. It was arranged on a small marble tile with the effigy of Santorini, and a wreath of bay leaves drawn on it. I had found it a few days before, in a small souvenir shop in Pyrgos. We went to visit this small traditional village on the heights of Santorini, with my sister and her fiancé. I fell in love with the place, its ruined old castle at the top of the hill, its ramparts, its 48 churches ... A peaceful and mystical atmosphere. This magic that I cannot explain but that enchants the whole island.

 I did not mention to the hotel that the groom would not be here, so I went alone to the reception in May 2017, and after taking a deep breath, I explained to the very warm receptionist Emanouela, my story and the new organisation. Once again, the reaction of my interlocutor shocked me while her smile comforted me. She understood my pain and saluted my determination and my courage. In a few minutes, I had just found an unconditional support for my wedding, but not only, because this young woman was going to become one of my best friends. My instinct had made me choose the best place to stay. I could not have gone through all of this without all these incredible people along the way. When we experience a heartbreak, it is already difficult to leave home, so taking a plane alone to go to marry myself in a foreign country, this is a crazy challenge, or the need of a psychoanalysis, probably both!
 
I had chosen rooms with traditional decor, all on the same terrace with a sea-view, facing east, which allowed us to enjoy the incredible blood-red sunrises. Next to each other, we had the entire level for ourselves, it made our stay even more intimate and warm, and very convenient for my dance training. All rooms were equipped with a small kitchen, a large living area with a sofa, a table and chairs. In addition, each had an outdoor area with a bench, chairs and a table. Then, we had breakfast together as I wanted. So friendly and relaxing.
 
The pool of the hotel overlooking the Caldera gave a special atmosphere, my guests enjoyed it greatly even if the water was still a little cold, as it is usually in this period.

All the staff was lovely and caring, they were obviously aware of my unusual wedding; although with the maids we could not speak to each other because they spoke only Greek, body language is universal, and their smiles and energy have been incredibly supportive. 

Athens

May 27, 2017, Santorini, Aegean island (Greece). I am about to go down the magnificent stone stairs holding my father's arm, to participate in the wedding I have been waiting for, and preparing for a year and a half. The guests are seated. The weather is capricious. However, this ceremony is special, the groom is not here. He left the marital ship three months before, and I took the decision to marry without him, to marry myself! L.

All the year after, I kept telling myself how lucky I was to go back to Santorini. This island had bewitched me, so magical and majestic. I had not been able to discover everything, and I was happy  to see more this time. But also, to visit Santorini with the man I loved, the one who would become my husband. No doubt he would fall in love with this island just as I had been. The photos of our wedding were going to be stunning and we were going to spend an absolute unforgettable week.
 
To be unforgettable, it has been, for sure. I was destroyed, my life was broken, and this island made me reborn.
 
No, I will not change the place of my solo wedding. My decision was made. Santorini was waiting for me, it was calling me. I had spent a year waiting for visiting it again, the excitement of our reunion, E would not take away this happiness, not that one. He had already taken too much, stripped my heart of its essence, I will go to the end of this dream, alone certainly, but determined.
 
I arrived in Santorini to try to forget the love of my life and to recover from the saddest moment of my existence. I did not expect to find love, quite ironic. I first fell in love with this beautiful island, so peaceful and extraordinary. All its sunrises, sunsets, landscapes, sea, caldera, everything there is a postcard. Then, I fell in love with its people, I met incredible friends, a fantastic support to be able to reconnect with life and regain self-confidence. Mostly, I discovered an unconditional love for myself. Feeling my heart beating again was fantastic, although it was scary too. I will never forget all these beautiful moments that I spent there ... Thank you all for having made me live again!
 
Santorini has given me the strength to accept who I am, the courage to rebuild myself, the energy of living in the present and reconsidering my future. I became stronger, more authentic, with different priorities. My rebirth was here. This island is nothing but a volcanic rock, we think it is dead but there is life underneath and great treasures grow under its surface, such as a volcano, tomatoes or vines ... I am like Santorini, I am a rock, and while I thought I was dead inside, my heart was beating again, and great things could still happen.

​L.

So, no basket of flowers on the horizon, to tell the truth, I never imagined an army of young children spreading flower petals in the aisle before my entry. It must be said that before this marriage, I had never really considered the question of a wedding ceremony. The only times it crossed my mind, I saw myself more in Las Vegas, with Elvis as a priest and the Blues Brothers as witnesses! We are very far from the flower girls!
As for my dress,  rather a fitted tuxedo with sexy lingerie underneath and a garter belt. Another ceremony for adults only!
At least I stayed true to myself for my solo wedding, no kids, despite a traditional wedding dress and no Elvis.
 
In addition, it makes me think that Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) in the second film Sex and the City, goes to the wedding of her best friend in a tuxedo. It is true that my life is very similar to this fictional character. Many of my friends call me Carrie for many reasons. My best friend finds that my personality is very similar to this woman, we both seek to be loved for who we are, without cheating or compromising. We want to find someone who takes us as we are or not at all. Other girlfriends especially see the resemblance to my passion for fashion, clothes and luxury shoes, certainly I have a nice wardrobe on this side, I will not lie. And now, I spend my time writing, which adds even more similarity. I do not have my picture on a bus yet, but it may come with this book, I was on TV, it is already a good start.
 
Moreover, during my first TV show, my host told me that the first thing she had thought when she discovered my story in the press, was the passage where Big did not come to the wedding, and left Carrie in distress. I remember when I saw this scene in the first movie Sex and the City, I started crying all the tears in my body, as if I was touched personally, as if I understood, and now I can say that is the case, I understand! I also thought a lot about this part of the film, after having received the email from E. This pain that tears the chest apart, the breath that cannot manage to make its way anymore, tears that take control of our body, and our brain that does not know how to handle this information confronted with the impossible reality. 

L.

My Dress

“I am both strong and incredibly sensitive, hard and fragile. Do not shake me too hard, I only hold by a tear.” Unknown author.

When I see the pictures of my wedding, I do not think of my breakup but the wonderful woman that I am and the sublime dress that I wear in a breathtaking place. What fate would I have reserved for my dress otherwise, would I have burned it, shut it away in a closet, and by some blow of depression taking it out to put it on and burst into tears? Instead, I wore it proudly, elegantly with all my femininity, my self-confidence and my buried wounds. No, it is not paradoxical, the human being is well done, we can know who we are and what we want while being fragile.
It took me several months of intensive research and endless fitting to find the perfect gown, not to mention countless alterations. I could not let my dress down, we chose each other, it was entitled to its big show too.

"Verity" was the name of my dress. Maybe it was a premonition.
My dress has definitely highlighted the reality (the groom was not there) and the thought behind (he did not want to marry me).
It can also be seen from my point of view, which gives, I am great (thought) so I marry myself (reality).
I must keep this in mind if I decide to marry a man eventually, I will choose a dress called Passion, Engagement, Fidelity, Will-never-let-me-down ...
In any case, a dress which already contained the secret of an eternal love, the love I had for myself and which I had not yet discovered.

One of the most difficult moments of my life was having to carry my beautiful wedding dress in my carry-on bag for 10,000 miles when my heart was in millions of pieces. I left my broken life for an uncertain future with 3,500 euros of lace, fabric and beads in my cabin luggage ... Me too, at that moment I would have liked to be rolled into a ball in this bag. Plunged into the dark, out of sight. [...]

My dress Verity was like a second skin, despite the metres of fabric and lace, it did not dress me, it inhabited me.

I had placed my dress and all that was necessary for my outfit in a separate room, my witnesses helped me to button up and arrange myself, my sister gave me the earrings, my best friend my shoes, the photographer was waiting, I was ready.

I am so happy to have chosen this dress rather than another, it was very suited to my solo wedding. Fragile and delicate but with personality, a queen dress for the crowning of my self-love.